Self-doubt doesn’t respond to evidence, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Rather than disputing it, perhaps you could engage in a different way
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A close friend of mine is suffering with crippling self-doubt and it’s starting to take a strain on our relationship. We’ve been friends for eight years. She is such a bright, bubbly and charismatic person who has an infectious ability to make people laugh and feel welcome; but she also has a really low opinion of herself and, as her friend, I am the one who always gets the brunt of her negative self-talk. After every social event she will message me to ask if I think she has annoyed someone, or that she spoke too much, or that she embarrassed herself. In private conversations she is constantly putting herself down, calling herself fat, apologising for nothing and generally claiming she’s not good enough.
I love her and constantly reassure her that her thoughts have no grounding but, after years of this, I am tired. I’m starting to enjoy our time together less and less, as I never know what mood she will be in or what she will say about herself. I would hate to hear anyone else speak about her in the way she does. I especially hate it when she says these things about herself.
