Dear Editor,
People have so much to say about other people’s relationships “that’s not your class,” “he’s not on your level,” “you’re too educated,” “you’re too beautiful,” “you’re way ahead of them.” Yet sometimes, the very people giving the most advice are struggling quietly in their own marriages and relationships.
We need to stop this mentality that elites should only marry elites, educated people should only marry certain people, or that someone’s background, status, family name, or level of education automatically makes them more deserving of love or a successful marriage.
Love people for who they are.
So much hypocrisy and this so-called elite mentality has destroyed the way people see and treat one another. We have become too comfortable downgrading people as though education, wealth, status, or family background determines a person’s worth.
The truth is, no one is better than anyone else in the sight of Allah because of their status or worldly achievements. Allah reminds us:
“Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” Qur’an 49:13
Let us think about this for a moment. If someone marries a person society considers “low class,” less educated, or beneath their social status, and the marriage eventually ends, people are quick to say, “Well, that is what happens when you marry beneath your class.” Or “We knew it was eventually going to happen”
But what do we say when someone marries a highly educated person, someone from a wealthy or elite family, someone society considers perfectly matched to their “class” and that marriage ends too?
What do we call it then?
Because the truth is, marriage does not come with a guarantee based on education, money, status, beauty, or family background. There are educated couples who divorce. There are wealthy couples who are unhappy. There are people from prestigious families whose marriages fail. And there are people who had very little, came from completely different backgrounds, and still built beautiful lives together.
Marriage matters. Choosing a good partner matters. Compatibility, character, faith, values, and how someone treats you all matter. But we must stop believing that social status alone determines the success or failure of a marriage.
I believe in qadr, the divine decree of Allah. We make our choices, we pray, we seek guidance, and we do our best. But Allah knows what we do not know.
“No disaster strikes upon the earth or within yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into existence.” Qur’an 57:22
Not every marriage that ends was meaningless. Not every choice that brought pain was without purpose. Every marriage can come with a blessing, a lesson, or both. Some people enter our lives to stay, and some enter our lives to teach us something we may not have learned otherwise.
And when life does not unfold the way we expected, we trust Allah:
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.” Qur’an 2:286
So let us stop downgrading people. Stop measuring human beings by class. Stop acting as though wealth and education make one person more worthy of love, respect, or a good marriage than another.
At the end of the day, we do not know what Allah has written for anyone. We do not know what happens behind closed doors. We do not know the full story of anyone’s marriage, struggles, blessings, or destiny.
Allah knows. Allah writes. Allah allows. Allah guides.
So love people for who they are. Look at their character. Look at their heart. Look at how they treat others. And above all, remember that beneath our education, beauty, wealth, titles, marriages, and social status, we are all servants of Allah, and we will all return to Him.
Haddy Samateh
