By Alagie Saidy-Barrow
I know this will not sit well with too many people but I believe that denial has its fangs buried deep in the minds of too many of us and so many of us find comfort in it. Therefore, it’s all right if what I say below makes you angry, you can join the long I-am-angry-with-Alagie Barrow line!
I think there was a time when many of us truly believed we were “good” people, even if our conduct and how we treated one another belied this belief. But when no one is looking or listening, even those of us who still wallow in denial of who we truly are, would agree that we are not as good as we project. I am sad to say this but you’d be taking a huge risk if you give your trust to the average person trapped in this colonial space! No, I didn’t come across any Afrobarometer survey to support this conclusion, it is based on my observation over the past three decades. And that’s good enough for me. You may have a different conclusion, and that is also good enough for me. But if I refuse to befriend or hang out with you even once, or if I ended whatever relationship I had with you, or if you see that I am not as interested in building a relationship with you as you are with me, please do not take it personally. I find comfort and security in cynicism when I am dealing with our people. The problem is not you, I am the problem. You see, I have a weakness. I am an emotionally sensitive person and I find betrayal very painful. Ergo, given how betrayal and duplicity are common among our people, I find peace in limiting who I trust. Simple.
The reality in the colonial space is that when you visit any workplace, stories about betrayal, abuse, greed, and envy are not only rampant but accepted as normal. It is the same story within families and in our relationships. In fact, many of our relationships, whether business, personal, or professional, cannot stand the grinding wheel of time due to money palaver, folks green with envy, insecurity masked with bravado, insincerity, lies, disloyalty, and greed. You name the vice and you’ll find it in excess in this colonial space. I will not even talk about our politics. But what you see in our politics reflects who we are as a people. The fact is, traitorous behaviour is much more chewable in politics because we have convinced ourselves that politics is a dirty game and so it is fine if we play dirty. Why supposedly clean people will choose to play a dirty game does not factor in our BODMAS!
The painful truth is, we are not as good as we project. We use the facade of a religious cover to bamboozle one another, we exploit friendships, we take advantage of one another, we lie – a lot, we are not sincere, we don’t believe in much of anything, our relationships with others are mostly transactional, we worship money and power, we hail mediocrity, our empathy circle is limited, we are more tribal than we admit, our sense of right and wrong is fluid, we are not as tolerant as we project, our kindness is conditional, our humility is suppressed grandiosity, our sacrifices come with expectations of a reward, money is more important to us than the religious values we parrot, our religion is based on fear and not faith, and loyalty is a premium. Even sadder, we wallow in denial of our true selves.
Because too many of us wallow in denial, many would read this and hiss at me! Instead of reflecting, they’d claim I’m generalising and feign outrage because denial is titillating. Others would read this and insist I’m referring to the others. Not them. And that is because denial has sunk its teeth too deep into their soul. Some would even read this and insult me because that is who they are. It’s the only way they can soothe their battered conscience. When I said the Dictator Is Us, I wasn’t commending Yahya Jammeh for being one of us; I was normalising him because everything about Yahya Jammeh is as Gambian as it can be. You trust the average person in this colonial space at your peril. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Whoever gave my number to any “journalist” without my permission, mmang yangfa, balalu mala ahaa! Yes, I hold grudges! It’s the Gambian in me.
